“How can I make women not care that I’m fat?”

How can I make women not care that I’m fat?

Well, you can’t.

That is, you can’t make a woman who really cares about appearance not care about appearance.

The only thing you can do is seek out women who care less about appearance. This may require you to similarly adjust your attitude. Are you inadvertently overlooking wonderful women who don’t meet your physical criteria?

Having a fantastic personality is important. So is being the caring person you wish to find. Take an interest in other people. Share yourself, judiciously. Allow yourself to be fixed up (tell people you know you are open to it, and tell them to be honest with candidates about your appearance, just to weed out the shallower ones).

You should take care of yourself for your own sake. Working out a lot to meet a hot girl, then quitting the gym as soon as she is emotionally attached is a terrible idea. So only work out as much as you want to and can commit to for the long-term. Love your body and be comfortable with the idea of that body being sexy and lovable and able to give and receive pleasure with the right person. Lots of “imperfect” bodies are hella sexy!! But that’s because the PERSON INSIDE is hella sexy.

However, no matter how great the person inside is, no body appeals to everyone, as you know. Simple fact of life, totally not worth beating your head against a wall about it. So maybe stop thinking about “beauty standards” and start thinking about sexiness and kindness and openness. Yours and others. See if that doesn’t get you more booty. 😉

Just to underscore and highlight a subtextual point for readers:  The question was not, “I’m fat. How do i get girls?” It was “how do i get them not to care?”

My answer picks up on the unusual wording and delves further into the idea that you can’t “get” someone not to suddenly not care about looks … you can’t distract them with personality sleight-of-hand.

The questioner will have to change his focus from shallow women who really care that their men are buff/good-looking to women who want kind, caring, sensual intimacy. That may not be the most beautiful women (though they might be.) It will also require some homework on how to find and communicate with those women.

Because you can work on your inside and outside all you want, but if you are choosing the wrong targets, then you have to change how you think about the market.


About amywinns

Semi-snarky, semi-sincere, occasionally ranting, always paying attention. Feminist who can work a skirt and crack a joke. Grammar nerd who is also fun at parties. Mid-career writer/editor with 15 years’ experience in newspapers & magazines who now helps developers at a major media corporation communicate with the suits who write the checks. Pro-women, pro-family, pro-choice, pro-workingclass, pro-entrepreneur, pro-farmer. Like every other bourgeois Brooklynite, I choose local/organic/raw food — mostly vegetables — whenever possible/reasonable/affordable but I’m not a smug asshole about it. Hometown: Atlanta. Weird hobby: lindy hop. No pets, no kids, no thanks.
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