“How do I let her know that I’m disappointed that she thinks work is more important than me?”

My significant other has decided to take a freelance job on Valentine’s Day, though she doesn’t absolutely need the money. I have limited time right now, and haven’t seen her in a while. How do I let her know that I’m disappointed that she thinks work is more important than me?

Well, I definitely think it’s a leap to say that her work is more important than you, though it may seem that way. Different people see holidays in different ways. But I can appreciate that it was especially hurtful that she would make Valentine’s plans without consulting her S.O.

However, her professional and financial choices are hers alone to make. Even if you are married, you are in no position to judge what jobs she should or should not take — unless she specifically asks you. Clearly, she did not this time. So you can tell her you are disappointed she will not have Valentine’s evening free, but that you would really like to make an entire evening just for you two very soon. You can also say you would appreciate it if the next time she has a job offer for a a holiday, she would check in with you. Not for permission, but just to hear your feelings on the subject.

See, you can’t tell her what to do about the job, but you can and should tell her how her choices affect your relationship.

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About amywinns

Semi-snarky, semi-sincere, occasionally ranting, always paying attention. Feminist who can work a skirt and crack a joke. Grammar nerd who is also fun at parties. Mid-career writer/editor with 15 years’ experience in newspapers & magazines who now helps developers at a major media corporation communicate with the suits who write the checks. Pro-women, pro-family, pro-choice, pro-workingclass, pro-entrepreneur, pro-farmer. Like every other bourgeois Brooklynite, I choose local/organic/raw food — mostly vegetables — whenever possible/reasonable/affordable but I’m not a smug asshole about it. Hometown: Atlanta. Weird hobby: lindy hop. No pets, no kids, no thanks.
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